Are You Broken?

Are you broken?

For many years I was going through life in a fog, I was here but not really.  I was kind of just letting life happen but not really creating life.  In recent years I decided that enough was enough and I wanted more, so I went on a journey of self discovery and what I learned was that I was broken.  I had experienced hurt and disappointment as a child that left me feeling insecure and vulnerable, broken.

Many people experience challenges that could leave them feeling small but they are able to overcome them because they have or at some point gain the tools to deal with their challenges.  

My challenge at a very young age was that I longed for the love of my father who was not there.  My father had another family and through my eyes it looked as if he chose them over me.  That experience said to me that I was not worthwhile to the very person who helped give me life.  I know that my story is not new but at the time I felt alone and crushed.  I am now a 38 year old woman who feels empowered and very much worthwhile but it was not until a few years ago that I could say that.  I realized that I had gone through my life desperate to make people like me, but I did not really like myself. 

I was not making smart choices about the people that I let in my life; they were not horrible people, most of them.  However they were often people who were similar to me in that they were not happy with who they were and that showed up in the way they treated me. 

What I have come to understand is that whole people are more often than not happy people and happy people are usually kind. So I had to forgive the people that hurt me.   I could forgive them because I realize they hurt me because they were hurt.  I had to stop holding on to the things that they said or did that broke me before I could begin to repair myself.   

I am so happy to have learned that I did not have to stay broken, that I could be whole.  Though healing ones self is not easy and it does not happen overnight it can happen, if we are willing to do the work;  the work of loving ourselves as well as accepting nothing less from others.  Because I love myself I now surround myself with friends who love themselves and as a result treat me well.

When I come across a person who is hurtful these days I don’t take it personal, and I also don’t stay around them for longer than is necessary.   

I realize that my mission is to live to continue to restore myself to the joyous little girl, once filled with love, wonder and amazement at life’s possibilities.

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